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Pissed Pedestrian

   There's a couple things I want to get off my chest - and this bully pulpit is the only forum I have.

   Yes, it is true: I did not get my driver's license until I was 24. Thus, I have been a pedestrian for most of my adult life. Even now, I drive very little. Why is this? Well, it's very simple. I have come to the conclusion that when people get behind the wheel their IQ's drop to about half - that means that some of you should be put away for your own protection!

   Allow me to illustrate this point with an incident that just happened to me. Imagine a crowded street crossing in a large metropolitan Downtown area at lunch time near a mall with a food court - got that picture? Now, imagine a crosswalk choked with people waiting for the walk signal. Now imagine a simpleton behind the wheel of a two ton minivan of death making a diving right turn into that crosswalk just as the signals change. Imagine the same simpleton slamming the brakes because they are blocked by too many live bodies. Imagine the driver's miff-ed-ness at not being able to make said turn without scratching the paint job on the minivan of death! At this point I'm sure you can imagine what happened when I got a chance to stand in front of this fool who nearly killed twenty people in front of me.

   Folks, let me make this crystal fucking clear - when you are behind the wheel, the laws still apply to you. This quarter-wit I just had the confrontation with is doing this shit just days after a local man killed a highway worker while speeding through a construction zone. Construction Zone! Usually tough to drive through anyway. People in ORANGE vests and YELLOW hats carrying BIG signs, and the doofus managed to kill one and is getting eightteen years for vehicular manslaughter. He should have been strapped to a chair and beaten to death with traffic cones by the entire WaDOT highway crew!

   I, for one, am well out of love with the American Automobile Obbsession. I personally think they are wasteful, expensive, senseless death machines and should be phased out. I think in a hundred years people will look back and laugh at our stupidity or curse us for being so foolish.

   So, the next time you strap a car on your back, please have these two thoughts in mind: a) You don't fucking well own the road and b) A Parking Lot is not a RACE TRACK! If you can't drive right - PARK IT!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/15/02 - 1:36 pm -

Midweek Slowdown

   For some odd reason every week our readership seems to dry up on Wednesday.

   Could have something to do with the fact that we rarely post on Wednesdays! Well, I'm not going to let that happen this week!

   I planned last week to have at least one post a day - and I failed. So, this week I plan to have at least one post a day - there will be a real, live, something or other to read out here every day this week - even if it is something as lame as this!

   On top of all that goodness, check out the Web Cam as I left it on while doing this post. The picture is different from yesterday and as there is a fan on next to me - my hair is standing on end. When I leave the camera on - there are a multitude of pictures. It takes one every five minutes or so. So, if you see that the picture has updated recently, usually in the evenings, hit Refresh five minutes later and you might get a surprise!

   In that vein - I'm going to add a Gallery of pics to the Cam page soon to show off all my favorites. Heck, it might be there by the time you read this!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/14/02 - 9:26 pm -

Damn Cam

   Just in case you care, after months of it being down, I have the Web Cam back up and working.

   I'm a little ticked off about the whole thing. I have tried to fix this silly thing myself and gotten no where for months.

   I started off with a simple plan, take a free bit of software and a camera I bought on a whim and have no use for and make a feature for IWDC. Well, it worked for a while, and those of you who are familiar know that the last picture up there was actually a half picture. For some reason one night it began FTPing these half pictures. It was taking the picture just fine, but when it tried to FTP only half was going.

   I followed the directions from the software author and I looked at the FTP log - might as well have been greek. So I thought I'd uninstall the software and reinstall it. Again, I followed directions, I uninstalled everything, rebooted and reinstalled. But, it managed to hold onto my preferences when I did this - something wasn't getting uninstalled. I wrote the author and asked for a complete list of what was installed where - still haven't heard from him and that's where I let it set for a while.

   Last night I decided to try again. I installed it, rebooted and it conflicted with one of my Extensions and required me to reboot without Extensions. For the Mac people out there, they know that Extensions are everything on a Mac. But, this was a good thing. I turned off a bunch of garbage that Apple installs so people don't have to load drivers for their Rio or their Air Port, things I don't own and probably never will. I killed some other stuff, too. (I don't use my modem anymore - why install the Extension?) By the time I was done I had turned off twenty five plus Extensions. Funny, the camera worked fine after that.

   I still don't know what fixed this or if it will go bonkers again - but, for the moment, my shining face and blessings are once again upon you! Nano-nano!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/13/02 - 5:05 pm -

I got an email!

   I got an email from a reader - I'm as shocked as you are!

   A nice lady from Missouri, of all places, named Heather wrote us. She had this to say:

Hi! I am new to your site, in other words I have no idea how I stumbled on to you two but I love what I have seen so far!ÊÊAbout your political piece, in my opinion if Warren Beatty makes a run for office I think they should put Ross Perot back up for the run also, at least we'll all have some entertainment with his charts...

Anyhow, keep up the good work! =)

Heather

   His charts? What about his ears??? Think of the fuel Air Force One could save! Warren vs. Ross - sounds like an episode of Friends!

   Thanks for writing Heather, we hope to see you in our Comments - you're funny! We like Funny, we may not know what is Funny, but we know Funny when we see it!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/12/02 - 9:37 pm -

Don't Make Me Go Post-Gutenberg On Your Ass!

Where Have All The eBooks Gone?

I like ebooks. When I was first introduced to the concept a few years ago, I was a bit hesitent at first. I have something of a book fetish and was not sure I was ready I could give up the physical delights of the paperback. Practicality and convenience won out. A virtual library can take up nothing more than space on my hard drive when its physical equivilent would take up acres of bookshelves. My Palm Pilot, my ebook device of choice, has a backlight feature. I have yet to find one on a physical book. I have come to really like ebooks.

However, they are not without their downsides. While there are probably tens of thousands of books now being published in ebook format, there are many more that are not. And it seems that most of those that are not are just the ones I want to read. Second, even when a book I want to read is published in ebook format, more often than not the publisher sets the price to match the price of a hardback edition ($20 or so) and leaves it there even after they release a physical paperback edition. It seems to me that when one removes the cost of materials, printing, storage and shipping, the cost of releasing an ebook version of a book should be cheaper and should have a lower price point. Maybe I am wrong.

There is another alternative. Remember all the doings a' transpiring a year or so ago about Napster and the illegal sharing of audio files? Well, there is a similar community of file swappers that share pirated electronic versions of books. These have the advantage of being free. They have the disadvantage of being illegal, and as an aspiring writer myself, I would probably buy myself a day in hell for every version I downloaded. Also, often these versions are not proofread and have sections missing or garbled.

Of course, it seems to me that if one only downloaded electronic versions of books one has aready purchased a legitimate copy of, that would fall under fair use and take care of the legal and moral quagmires. And one could refer back to one's hard copy to fix missing and garbled sections. But I really don't want to have to jump through all those hoops. I would rather just be able to buy fairly priced, legitimate ebooks.

Of course, I also want to live in a peaceful, free society led by legitimately elected leaders. Like either of those are going to happen.

Speaking of bad TV ...

   Did NBC run out of scripts? I mean, the plots were all getting a little old, we've seen it all before - but THIS takes the cake!

   It's called The Rerun Show. The best part of the show is its title, at least you know what you are getting.

   You may know that most TV shows these days use at least two stories per episode. These are often called the A and B stories, Alpha and Beta, etc. The idea is that two or more different stories keep the episode livey and moving, nothing gets bogged down. In 22 minutes, the beta plot, which may be as simple as a run on gag, may only take 5 or 7 minutes, but that's a lot of time in TV years! While watching an episode of Titus last night, there were two separate Beta plots, both were run on gags more than anything. One was that one of the characters couldn't get a pillow from a flight attendant. The other was that one of the characters had turned the plane's bathroom into his own private spa. Simple, huh?

   So, what this show does is take the Alpha story of a classic TV episode, speeds it up and makes fun of it. Adding sex and taking shots at family oriented shows isn't funny, they proved it! The funniest thing I saw in last week's spoof of Diff'rent Strokes were the mug shots of Todd Bridges and Dana Plato hung on the wall near the staircase. The plan is to do more of the same, more shots at The Jeffersons, The Facts of Life, etc. My fear is that they will get around to decent shows like I Love Lucy and M*A*S*H. Even if they stick to just NBC favorites, there is still Cheers and Friends. I think making the kind of low brow, over sexed jokes they made the other night about shows with a loyal following will not only tarnish the brand for that show but it will just piss off the fans. Trust me, I'm an expert on low brow and oversexed!

   The Rerun Show is on tonight at 8:30/7:30 - you be the judge. But, as far as I'm concerned, Danny Bonaduce should be asshamed to be involved with this project - and that's saying something!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/06/02 - 12:57 pm -

Anna the Obscene

   Anna Nicole Smith. That name is enough to drive many men wild with lust. Personally, I think she represents what is wrong with the entertainment industry. Since the entertainment industry is a mirror of society's passions, lusts and fears, she, then too, shows a lot of what is wrong in our modern lives.

   E! seems to think she makes good television.

   In case you don't get cable or live under a rock (what's the difference?) ANS just got her own series on E!. Much like the Osbournes, but not nearly as cool or funny. If this is the best that E! can do - they need to run Talk Soup reruns or just go out of business. Why would anyone want to watch the worst boobjob in the history of Hollywood go buy a house for half an hour?

   Ken Tucker wrote a great article out on CNN.com on this topic, I concur with him fully. Mr. Tucker makes several refferences to ANS's slurred speech and speculates she may have been sedated. We here at IWDC are not the classy journalists that Mr. Tucker represents, so we can ask things like "What was she fucked up on?" I swear, and my wife is a witness, I couldn't stop asking "Is she stoned or just stupid?" It was freaky. Somewhere between the peroxide and the silicone, I think Anna has lost a few IQ points. Mr. Tucker also pointed out the framing shots where she seemed coherant, or at least awake and could walk without assistance. The thing I noticed about those lucid moments was that she wasn't in makeup and looked almost normal. Which leads me to wonder, what are they putting in her lip stick? Opium?

   In conclusion here folks, let me do you the following favor: I have watched this show so that you don't have to, it was not a good thing. You would be better off turning off your tv for that half hour and repeatedly bang yourself in the head with a rubber mallet than watch that show. Frankly (as if I am never frank!) I'm happy that these types of shows are happening now and harmless people like Anna and Ozzy are getting them. Could you imagine what it would have been like if one of these shows had been concieved durring the heyday of Rosanne Barr-Arnold? Oy! Makes my feet itch just thinking about it!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/05/02 - 2:35 pm -

Dubya vs. Mrs. President

   2004 is a heck of a lot closer than you might think.

   Since the only detectable effect of Y2K was that there was a Whitehouse coup - and a disappointing and boring coup at that, I've decided to start looking to 2004. Hopefully this election will at least be interesting!

   I found a neat site that gives all the candidates for '04 as they stand today. Quite a wide variety, something for every taste! It's so odd, the race usually comes down to 2 or (gasp!) 3 candidates. Here, I count nearly 50 potential presidents. Wouldn't it be cool to have a little choice at the polls? But, usually, by the time November creeps around, the others have fallen by the way side. It's a shame.

   Looking at this list we see some familiar faces. First, there is the shining "I'm kicking ass for democracy" smile of George "Dubya" Bush. I've been saying for a few months now that if he doesn't screw anything up, if he keeps people worried that "Osama will git ya!" and if the Dems run a weak candidate, Junior will coast right back into the Oval Office.

   But, the other familiar faces are not as weak as they seem to be. First, under the Dems we find Hillary. Ah, yes, Mrs. President. Folks, the woman had 8 years in the Office - even if she had no official title, she had power. She knows the game - she and Bill are practically teflon coated. No matter what crapola was thrown at them, they washed off clean. Sure, they still make jokes about them, but they still make jokes about everyone who was in that office. Senator Clinton could kick some butt as president and I'm pretty sure she knows it. That's why she is a senator. Bush has the advantage of being "The Afghanistan Eagle" but Clinton represents the State of New York - that couldn't be a more powerful badge if she had it tattooed to her forehead. If she got Giuliani as her running mate - she would have a lock!

   Poor Gore. He ran for Pres, what, twice? Got Veep for 8 years. Then had the Office stolen from him. Gore needs a strong running mate. Below him on this list are Gephardt and Daschle, both would be stong Veeps. Let's face it, no one had heard of Liberman before the 2000 election. These others at least have name recognition; Gephardt has run for Pres a few times now and has been a force on the hill (as befitting a fellow Missourian!) Tom Daschle's people nearly all died in the anthax attacks of a year ago. If he came off as the pissed avenger, he could earn some real ballot box cred. If Gore runs, he needs to produce a VERY different campaign!

   The rest of the Dems are also rans, we won't hear from most of them beyond Jan '04. I mean, Joe Biden just begs to have the word "Laden" added to his name. Gray Davis looks like David Spade's dad. Jesse Jackson Jr.? Can we say skating by on name recognition? (Mind you, this could be an advantage, considering the current Office occupant.) Bob Kerrey looks like Maury Povich. And Al Sharpton - Activist? I thought he was just a kook! Do one Adam Sandler movie and you go from fringe whack to Activist. I want to do an Adam Sandler movie so that I can go from angry doof to Pope!

   Warren Beatty? Why is the Democratic party plagued with Don Juans and Romeos? At least if he got elected, the papers would have something interesting to talk about. Heck, Hollywood could even get in the act: "Get your copy of Presidents gone Wild! This six hour tape is filled with nothing but the most sinful, lust ridden, hedonistic acts our Chief Executive could concieve! Watch as 300 Monica Lewinsky impersonators fellate The Big Fella on the Senate Floor! See the paternity suits! This is not intended for minors! Only $19.95. Directed by James Cameron."

   The rest of the candidates, the Third Partiers, with the exception of John McCain, are basicly a round-up of whacks and wannabes. Look at the profiles on some of these mental ward escapees! After reading most of them, I have only one thing to say: I wanna run for Prez! If Max will be my running mate, and I can get your support, I think we can do this! I don't even have to be prez - matter of fact we won't tell anyone who the prez will be - if elected we will flip a coin right before they swear us in! What do you guys think? Are we your candidates?

   Irate in '04!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/04/02 - 6:46 pm -

The Land Of The Air Guitar

No, Jericho has not gone solo. Lately I haven't been able to come up with anything that doesn't devolve into a pity party as winge on about my life of late. Finally, I have something positive to say.

For the first time in 5 years, Rush is on tour and I have just gotten back from the show. Rush has long been one of my favorite bands. They have gotten a bum rap for being uptight and humorless. No one who saw the show tonight could possibly walk away with that impression. Among the humor highlights was an animated dragon who was somewhat less than a fan of the band. It spent that song trying to knock itself out on a mountain, between attempts to torch the band. Some cool pyrotechnics were involved as well.

Not only was the show fun, but they played their asses off. They really are three of the top players of their intruments.

It was nice to take a bit of a break and forget about life for a while. Sadly, it is over and time to get back to the grind.

© 2002 by the Gentlemen known as Max and Jericho