Archive

Bass Humour

How do you get two bass players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ?
Who cares - neither one's a bass

How do you know when the stage is level ?
The bassist is drooling out of both sides of his mouth ..

Did you hear about the bassist who was in tune ?
Neither did I

Why are so many bassists jokes one liners ?
So the rest of the band can understand them

What do you call a bassist who breaks up with his girlfriend ?
Homeless ..

What's the definition of a minor second?
Two bassist playing in perfect unison.

How do you get a bass player off of your front porch ?
Pay for the pizza.

How many bass players does it take to cover a Jaco Pastorious tune ?
Evidently all of them.

"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a bass player!"
"Now Johnny, you can't do both!"

Philosophy

Some day, humanity will make the most powerful microscope that can be made. We will peer through, and we will see the most elementary particle in the universe, the one particle that cannot be broken down any further, the one thing from which all else is made. Inscribed upon that particle will be the words, "Shit happens." Then we will know the true meaning of it all.

Jersey Girl

I'm sorry. I lied to you all. Under the clever guise of "Not Max", I posted false information about myself. I am quite unruptured and about as healthy as a grossly overweight man in his mid-30's can be, with the exception of a nasty cold. The reason I have been AWOL from IWDC is rather than Laura and I spent most of last week either in Philadelphia or in transit to or from there. Why? Because we had been picked to be extras in Kevin Smith's new movie, Jersey Girl, which is filming there.

This was about the coolest thing to happen in my sad little life in quite some time. Laura and I have been a fan of Kevin's films since Clerks and were blown away that we were picked. On top of that, I was excited that I was actually going to be on a real film shoot. I had read about them and studied them in endless film classes, but I had never been to one.

Our trip started as Monday did, at Midnight. Had had calculated that leaving then would get us to our hotel in New Jersey, just outside of Philly, a little after check in time. Theoretically, the route posed little difficulty. Just ride I-70 to where it merges with I-76 at the Pennsylvania Turnpike, take I-76 to Jersey, a few miles on I-295 and we would be there.

Driving cross country in the middle of the night is a fairly Zen-like experience. With little in the way of scenery or traffic, my mind was free to pretty much shut down, counting on my built in auto-pilot to keep us on the road. There were a few rough spots - construction, Indianapolis. But for the most part, the night past without event.

The sun started to come up once we were in Ohio. Finally were were able to see some scenery. There is nothing quite like driving through the mountains that started in West Virginia and stayed with us through most of Penn, going up and downhill for miles, going through tunnels, the trees just started to turn for fall. On the whole, it was a nice drive. Our only real problem was the Penn Turnpike. It seems like they don't want to spend too much money on road sign in Penn. Most of them were small and at least partially obscured. We missed our turn from the Turnpike to Jersey. We ended up having to plot another, half-assed route there through some of Philadelphia's more picturesque neighborhoods. Eventually, after 18 hours on the road, my neck and back aching, my arms quivering from holding the wheel, we got to out hotel. I was dead to the world and went straight to bed. Laura, of course, stayed up half the night fretting over our wardrobe.

The next day was the shoot. We hooked up with Shawn and Ron, two other Kevin Smith freaks Laura had met online, and headed for the shoot. I had known from my classes that most movie shoots are an exercise in hurry up and wait. This one was no exception. That isn't a complaint. I was actaully fun having time to watch things happen, to hang out and talk with Kevin's other fans, and to gawk at the man himself aas well as Ben Affleck and Jason "Piefucker" Biggs, plus a few only known to true Kevin Smith geeks like Jennifer Schwalbach Smith and Scott Mosier. On top of that, they fed us - craft services rule.

The shoot ate up the entire day, so no being a tourist for us. We crawled back our hotel, pretty much dead to the world.

The next day, we did our one big ultra-geek/touristy thing. We made a pilgrimage to Red Back, New Jersey, and Kevin's comic book store/prop museum Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash. After that, it was the long, uneventful drive home.

Since then, I have been laying back, revelling in the trip. It was so much more like I wish my life could be. I'm not looking so much for luxury, or a life of comfort, as a life of adventure, of going out and doing things. I don't mind straining myself for something more rewarding than standing around in a store all night. I guess it is time I started straining myself for something more worthwile.

Tragedy Strikes A Weirdo

We are sad to report that Irate Weirdo Max Dobberstein suffered severe internal ruptures and nearly blew himself apart when he burped, farted, hicupped, coughed and sneezed all at the same time. He expected to be unable to post for at least a week.

In other news, Irate Weirdo Jericho and his wife suffered an unexpected first anniversary around Midnight local time. In this hard time for Weirdos everywhere, I am sure we all pray for them all to have speedy recoveries.

Death to AT&T!!!

   Now it can be told! The true story of why I haven't posted on here in quite a while. Simply stated - AT&T sucks!!!

   Our story begins at a time when we were pretty damned cash poor - about a month ago. We were finally catching up, but a few bills were still hanging out there. AT&T happened to be one of them, only, we didn't know they were.

   For those of you who are unaware - we have AT&T Broadband services for both our Digital Cable and High Speed Internet services. Do you remember a few years ago when AT&T were running the "You Will" commercials showing people doing lots of cool, high tech things, then, next thing you know, they are showing commercials with that Shepherd? Well, yeah, that's Steph and I in the third row of sheep - if you look close I have a Palm pilot ...

   Anyway, we wake up one Saturday morning and our digital cable is out. We are still getting normal cable content - through our VCR! But none of the cool features of the Digital Cable are coming through, not to mention a bunch of stations. Fine, Steph gets online and pays the bill. Then, she calls AT&T to get the cable restored. Well, they tell her that it isn't showing up in their ledger and to call back on Monday. This pisses me off, but, what can I do?

   On Monday I called. I was told that the payment still had not shown up in their ledger. It would take as many as three business days for that to happen. Funny, our bank showed they took the payment! So, now, we were paid up and had no digital cable - fine. This is punishment for missing the bill.

   In the time between Monday and my next call, I checked our primary email account. Due to a previous AT&T foul-up, I was given the wrong email address as the primary address on the account. I check that box about once a month just to see if they have sent us anything. I found an email waiting for me there saying that AT&T Broadband was planning on merging our cable and ISP accounts - but couldn't due to the fact that one account was in my name, the other in Steph's. They wanted us to fax them info to help, etc. Fine, I thought, maybe this will make things easier and better. I was so right and oh so wrong!

   On Thursday, I called back. The payment still had not shown up. They wanted me to fax in info on our payment since I called after a supervisor was available. Now, they screwed up and they want me to prove it to them? I was livid!

   We let it go for about a week. We were busy, we still had some tv - life went on.

   A week ago Wednesday, we noticed that ALL cable tv was gone. This sucked. We weren't sure what was going on, we were just pissed that we had no tv and that we had let it go this long.

   But, that wasn't the worst - they managed to kill our cable Internet access as well!!! This was the living end! I can live without tv - but fucking with my Internet will bring down my wrath on your sorry ass! I began ranting! Steph soothed me, said she would call and take care of all of this the next day.

   True to her word, she called. She got a repair person out for Sunday - for the cable. Since the Internet was in my name - I had to call. To make things worse, she and the AT&T rep worked out that the reason for this foul up was that she had made the cable payment to the Internet account, and had done this a few times recently. Thus, she thought cable had been paid up, when instead she was just over paying Internet. So, sure, we have an over-payment on the Internet account - AT&T had no choice but to turn it off!

   I called that night and got a repair person - for the following Monday! I was about to go nearly a full week without Internet access. I need this access for work - if something breaks, I have to have access. Oh, BTW, the appointment is between 2 and 4 PM - I'd have to take off work!

   Sunday comes and cable returns to our lives. We were hoping to catch the repair person and ask him about the Internet - but we never saw him. Luckily, my boss understood - firstly he is the coolest boss in the world, second, we daily deal with the idiots at AT&T, Qwest, SBC/Ameritech, PacBell, Sprint and MCI - if AT&T can fuck up stuff for a large corporate account, a private account is nothing. I went home at noon , got home about 1:15. I waited until 4, no repair person and no access. I called AT&T, I was told that the repair person had come out but couldn't raise us to confirm that the access worked. Funny, I had my phone at my side and was sitting three feet from the only door to my apartment! I was told another tech would be out in the next few hours. I called again at 7:00 because no one had shown. I found out at that time that the first tech's report said he had been there between 1 and 2. Funny, I was at home and hadn't heard from him. I was told I would be credited a week and that a tech would be out Thursday between 4 and 6!

   Can you say "Pissed to Pieces"? I knew you could.

   The Internet access was restored by 4:30 today, the punk didn't call first, but I didn't care - my Internet was back. All the tech had to do was turn it back on. Lesson learned: don't give AT&T the chance to fuck up, because they will take it and any other they can get!

Posted by: Jericho - 10/03/02 - 6:12 pm -

Everyday Bullshit

We cruise down the highway, fueled by diet shakes and diet cola. No particular direction except forward. The pedal to the floor we push the four banger to its limits. At night, the sky colored by loud music and the constant whine of the engine, there is no rush hour. There is no road construction. Just road and time.

We turn with the road turns with us to just around the next curve of the earth. While tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow are left behind with yesterday the struts bounce along the fretwork of potholes.

The sign says, nothing ahead.

Inspections

I want weapons inspections to go forward in Iraq. Iraq must be gelded so that it can no longer pose a threat to the world. Unlike some who get a raging erection at the the thought of heading over there and shooting some "towel heads", I would like to see that happen with the least harm coming to innocents on the ground in Iraq, our own military personel and our international prestige. Inspections may be the key to that. But for inspections to work, they cannot operate under the rules of previous inspection regimes.

As it stands, there are limits on where, when and how inspectors may look for weapons. That is patently ridiculous. If inspections are to work, inspectors must be given a free hand to look where ever, whenever, however they feel is needed, they must must also be given the power to confiscate all materials they feel may be a part of Iraq's weapons program. And worst of all, experience has shown Iraq's leaders that the consequences of failing to comply with even the sham rules that governed inspections is that inspectors will leave.

The UN must pass a resolution giving inspectors the free hand they need to find and dismantle Iraq's weapons of mass destruction. Further, the resolution must spell out clear consequences for failure to comply. Otherwise, inspections will be meaningless.

And, yes that means that if the UN fails to take on the mantle of leadership, then the US, Britain and every other country that wants a safer, more stable world, will have the right and duty to act. One can only hope we will act with restraint.

The Shame

Recent studies have shown that nearly half the population is below average.

Go To MIT For Free

Sort of, anyway. MIT is placing course materials on their OpenCourseWare site for anyone to read for free. Way to go MIT!

A better focus

   Sorry I haven't been around here much recently. My mood hasn't been the best, on top of that my attitudes and outlooks on several things, IWDC included, are changing.

   However, unlike my past when things turned bleak and I just brooded about it, I've taken a page froem Max's book and am doing something about it. Scratch that. Max and I seem to be somewhere on the same plane in life. We look a lot alike, have similar attitudes on many things, etc. For two guys who weren't born under the same star sign, we certainly act like we were separated at birth! Hmmm ... he is a Virgo and I'm a Scorpio, but we were both born in 1971 which makes us ..... wait for it .....

   PIGS!

   Anyway, the point being is that I am finally doing more and bitching less. I've been to the gym twice this week, pretty good for me considering it's been quite some time that I have been paying for my membership and not going. Plus, I have been doing more writing. Instead of blowing time out here, or in front of the tv or a video game, I have been working more on a short story that I hope to send out to publishers real soon. You want your first story to be decent, so, while I haven't quite formulated the end for this story yet, I am now on the third rewrite for the begining. It takes time to find your own process.

   The thing that bugs me most is that just about a month ago, I was all up and strutting about my new focus on my freelance career - greeting cards! What was I thinking? Yes, I love art, I love to draw - I love to create, period. But, I am a writer. As I sit here and type this, I illustrate this fact. I could be recording these words, filming them or even doing them in calligraphy, but instead I am simply typing for that is what writers do.

   I lamented in that post that I couldn't just declare that I like one or the other and that I will pursue it. Well, folks, focus is about getting down to just what you need. So, today, I am declaring that I am a writer. I plan to pursue my writing much harder than I ever have. I will keep you posted.

Posted by: Jericho - 9/25/02 - 3:11 pm -

Kook Book

One of my hobbies is cooking. As if that is a shock, given my girth. But I do enjoy trying to come up with new dishes. Often, the horror that results is quite unspeakable, due to my sometimes tenuous grasp of basic cooking theory. But sometimes I hit on a winner. I am going to start posting the winners.

Chicken in Creamy Onion Mushroom Sauce

1 lb boneless chicken
2 tablespoons butter
2 cups low fat chicken broth
3 oz French's Fried Onions
10 1/2 oz can cream of mushroom soup
Mccormick Pepper blend (or similar combo of coarse red and black pepper)

Melt butter in a large pan over high heat

Brown chicken in butter

Pour broth over chicken and stew covered over low heat (about 30-45 minutes for bone in pieces, 20-30 for boneless) until chick is cooked through

Add onions, replace cover

After about 5 minutes, add soup, stir until sauce is even in consitancy

Replace cover and leave over low heat for about 10 more minutes

Serve, over rice, potatoes or whatever strikes your fancy

Basso Profundo Quatro Stringio Electronique

I fell in love with the bass guitar well over 20 years ago. I loved the sound it made. Whenever I saw a band live, my eyes and ears were always drawn to the bassist. I got my first bass a little over a decade ago. Since then, I have gone through various fits and starts. I would go through periods when I would play and practice for hours a day. And I would go through periods when months would pass when I wouldn't even open the case I keep it in.

I now own two basses, the second and third that I have bought. Because of my lack of discipline, I am a crappy bass player. As if being a subversive wasn't bad enough. My left hand is weak. My right hand is clumsy. For a while, I was toying with the idea of just selling my axes and admitting I was just a bass fan, not a bass player. But something wouldn't let me do it. At the same time, I lacked the inspiration (translation: discipline) to pull it out more often than once a week or so. It's not that I don't enjoy it. It's more that I let too many distractions get in the way, let them become excuses for not putting out some effort, taking some chances.

Yesterday, discipline came in the form of a Victor Wooten DVD. Victa, as his fans know him, is one of the most inventive bass guitarists playing right now. On top of that, he plays in my favorite band. After an hour of watching him play, followed by an hour when he breaks down some of his technique in an extended interview, I was grabbing my bass.

I didn't do anything spectacular. Just some basic strength and dexterity building exercises. And only until my left hand started to give out, which didn't take too long given how out of shape I am.

Today, I built on that, working my left hand a little harder, plus putting my right hand to work with some of the simpler techniques Victa covers on his disc.

What does this mean? That I am finally on my way to making the daily efforts I need to become a phenom on the bass, put a band together and take over the world? Maybe. Maybe not. Right now all it means in that yesterday and today I made an effort to make my life better, to make it less like it is and more like I want it to be.

We'll have to wait for tomorrow to see what comes next.

Irate Losers

This is a recent e-mail exchange between myself and Jer.

Me: Actually, I have been toying with the idea of giving up hope and dreams. They only seem to serve as a measure of my failure.

Jer: You. too, huh?

Can two people be considered a "mass suicide"? I don't want to commit suicide unless I know it will make the papers ...

Me: I never could leave a party early. I never walked out on a movie, no matter how bad it was. Hell, I even stayed for most of that crappy REM concert we went to. I don't think suicide is in the cards.

All I know is that I am doing my life wrong. I am not where I want to be, therefore I need to do something different. I am not quite sure what. I want to be a decent bass player, but I can never seem to find time to practice. I want to write, but I rarely have time, and when I do my basic lack of confidence seems usually will freeze me in my tracks.

All my life I have been afraid of doing it wrong. That has kept me from doing it. Most of my life I have put great effort into avoiding effort. That has kept me from growing. For a few years now, I have been letting my time be taken up be distractions. Even taking the job and my commute into account, I should have at least three hours a day I could spend practicing or writing. At least on days I am not in class or paying attention to my loved ones. Even with the latter, I could still take 30 minutes to do something creative, something to improve myself.

If I choose to make the time and take the risk of screwing it up and making myself look foolish.

Iraq

Edited at 9:50pm CDT to add Point 5, which did not get pasted in earlier due to Max being sleep deprived and stupid.

It is so much easier to use exageration and straw men when discussing politics. And facts are such a burden. But unlike some of the lazy asses here, I like a challenge.

Point 1: Sadam Hussein is a bad man who does bad things. Agreed. He is a murderer and has shown himself to be dangerously agressive.

Point 2: The world as a whole has a right to sit in judgement on world leaders and together may seek to remove from power those found wanting. Agreed. As much as I fear groupthink, even I can see that we live on one planet, and that we affect each other and that there needs to be rule of law on the internation stage.

Point 3: The United States has a right to act unilaterally to remove leaders of other countries it does not care for. Agreed to a point. I am not naive enough to believe that we do not meddle in the affairs of others and that they do not mess about in ours. However;

Point 4: Attacking Iraq is under the current circumstances a justifiable. Not proven. Show me that he has directly attacked the United States, and not just our invading forces, or that he stands poised to become an immediate threat to the peace. And if even so;

Point 5: Given all of the above points, a direct war is the best method of remediation. Not proven. Whatever happened to containment? Or good old fashioned covert subversion?

The chair will now entertain questions, name calling, wild accusations and invitations to "love it or leave it."

Hud on Iraq.

   We've opened a can of worms on this Iraq thing - Welcome to the Irate War-blog!

   My buddy, Hud, had a few words to say on this issue - but not few enough to fit into the 2500 charater limit of a comment! We have been threatening to give him a column for a while - here is his first post!

   And Hud said:

   Several things have popped in my mind while reading this string of comments. Laura, you're right, it would be nice if we could just mind our own business and let the world take care of itself. After all, if we don't get involved, then they won't have any reason to bother us. Funny thing though, that's what the our nations overall opinion was in 1941. The U.S. people and the U.S. government wanted to stay out of that mess in Europe and Asia. We had pretty well let the other nations know that we wanted no part in their problems, yet that wasn't quite enough to keep us out of an agressors cross-hairs was it? Don't you understand that these people have an agenda? It's not just that we interfere in their politics in order to supposedly keep some semblance of peace in the region. It's the fact that a nation founded on individual rights and liberties exists at all that they have a problem with. As long as America exists as a "free" nation, where the idea that the masses have the right to speak out against their government when they don't agree with what it is doing continues to exist, then they will continue to attack, snipe, destroy, and in any other way harm any American target they can. These regimes exist on the subjugation, exploitation and oppresion of their own citizens. The ideas that the U.S. stand for are a direct threat to them whether we get involved or not! As long as we exist, these people will continue to attack us. If we do not stop them, they will grow more and more powerful and eventually get the tools they need to do much more than bring down a couple of buildings at a time. I personally do not want to see poisoned water supplies all across our nation, anthrax epidemics every few months, or mushroom couds for Allah on the horizon.

   Max, I really do not know where you get your news from, but believe it or not, we have been attacked by an enemy which has stated over and over that it will not rest untill America is brought down. This kinda sounds like a declaration of war, even if it is not from a particular government. When war is declared on a nation, it has every right to do what it must to defend it's people. These terrorists have influence and contacts of some kind in almost all of the middle eastern governments. Does this mean that we attack them all? No. Just those governments who have knowingly agreed to help them as set policy. Also, the reason that the cowards who took those planes and crashed them on 9/11 were from "our friends" in Saudi Arabia is because one of Bin Ladens primary objectives is to break up the agreements between his former home state and the U.S. His activities denouncing and working against the U.S. in Saudi Arabia is why he was forced to leave the country in the first place. Thus he had the attackers be from there in order to strain the relationship.

   I am not some war mongering idiot. But at least I havn't been so warped by the "lets defend the criminal and blame the victim" leftists that I can't see the truth when it is put in front of me. Wars sucks, people die in war. But I'll be damned if I'll sit back and let them take pot shots at me, my family, or anyone I care for and say, well, I guess I deserved that since I don't agree with them. BTW, last I remember max, you're pretty much an athiest. Correct me if I'm mistaken. I have no problem with this. But I really don't think you'd like what these people would do to you if they got their hands on you. But I'm sure it would be ok with you. After all, being beheaded, having your genitals removed and stuffed into your mouth for not agreeing with them is a small price to pay for having the conviction to disagree with your government and try to defend and justify these cowards actions. Of course, if they had their way, you wouldn't have had to oppertunity to express any dissent with your government.

Posted by: Jericho - 9/19/02 - 3:41 pm -

Turkey Bacon

There is nothing as powerful as an idea whose time has come.

My fellow weirdos, you must join me in my quest to expand our language just slightly. From now on, I ask that you now refer to all rent-a-cops as turkey bacon.

For those who don't know, turkey bacon is processed, smoked turkey meat cut into strips that resemble, but only barely function as, bacon.

If you need further explanation, please have yourself lobotomized and sterilized.

Son of Rent-A-Cop's Eye View

Last night at work, a not unattractive young lady of the female gender came into the store. She was wearing ultra-tight, "did she paint those on?" black biker shorts. Plastered across her ass in bold, white letters was the word, "JESUS."

Is this some sort of weird new evengelical technique? If so, it is not a complete failure. I thought more about Jesus after seeing that than I had in the past few years.

And now for this week's handy hint on how to appear as if you actually were a civilized human being. Guys, when you are done in the bathroom, flush. It's not that hard.

Thank you.

Let's talk about Iraq.

   Usually, whenever I blow through the 2500 character limit on the commenting software - I have something that should be a full post. This is just that kind of thing. Max left this comment.

   And I respond:

   How much bleeding justification do you or the rest of the world need? When has anyone ever had to have more of a justification than self-defense? When did it become a good thing for a country to do the right thing in the world's eye, but not defend itself when it is attacked? I want world peace as much as anyone - but I have no illusions that everyone feels that way. I also have learned the lesson, that, yes, peace flows from the barrel of a gun.

   For those of you that have forgotten history, and are doomed to repeat it - I am here to save you. The UN sanctioned action against this asshole in '90. Yes, twelve freaking years ago. This was after he had invaded a local, tiny, defenseless country. *sniff* Smells like Sudetenland to me!

   We kicked his ass back to the Tigris-Euphrates - all the while the Saudis and the rest of the world - except for Russia - cheered us on. Sure they did - he scared the hell out of all of them! Us, too.

   We left him in power. We did this figuring his own people would oust him or that he might learn a lesson, give up the Lil' Hitler act, and play nice-nice with the rest of the world.

   His people couldn't oust him - maybe the chemical weapons he had previously used on them where still giving them difficulty.

   Further, he didn't play nice. He refused to cooperate with UN weapons inspectors, they were even threatened - eventually, they got smart and evacuated. All the while he swore up and down he didn't have chemical or bio weapons, but, funny thing, our people who were in the line of burning weapons stores during the war got the same effects as being exposed to these weapons! Hmm! So, we're just supposed to believe him now?

   As a sidebar - if he cooperated with the UN, the trade embargoes would be lifted and food could be delivered to his country - then maybe his people could stop starving to death! But, he has them completely snowed, it's the fault of the U.S. that they starve in the streets and die of common diseases! Meanwhile, he keeps stock piling Russian made military hardware. If ever a petty tyrant needed to be taken down!

   Over the last decade, our people, enforcing UN sanctions, have been repeatedly shot at - as I have said before - firing a missile at a US war plane on a patrol is an act of war! We took it on the chin, the planes got out of the way through our superiority, blah, blah, blah - but what if one of those missiles had hit? We would still be the aggressors, then? And what's the difference that they didn't hit? Perception? Spin?

   All the defense types say that they have evidence that Saddam has aided and abetted several terrorist organizations. I say, one man alone in the desert could not do what Bin Laden did - he got help from somewhere. If they have proof that OBL was aided by Iraq, that makes them just as guilty for 9/11.

   Why should we stand back and allow UN sanctions to be violated and disregarded, our soldiers shot at and our people incinerated on our own soil? Everytime we let these punks get away, we only make them stronger. A few years back, Clinton launched a bunch of Tomahawk missiles at one of Bin Laden's factories. It was retaliation for embassy bombings conducted by Al Queda. Bin Laden wasn't hurt - but sometimes I wonder if we had put Marines on the ground and captured OBL at that moment - would 9/11 have happened? When it comes to these warped minds - strength is the only language they understand. Remember, 24 hours after our bunker buster bomb hit Hussein's bunker, he was at the negotiating table talking peace.

   But, hey, let's just leave him alone. Let's let him do whatever he wants - just let him go. Let him take Kuwait and Saudi so that he has all the oil and unlimited funding. Let him take Israel - I'm sure that will sit real well with all the Jews in this country. Let him have the whole mid-east pie - then, when he starts nuking us - then we can react! Sure, good plan.

   History taught us about 50 years ago that you nip tyrants in the bud - or else you deal with them when they are REALLY powerful. I'm sure the rest of the world would love to watch as we stand and do nothing and Iraq sends terrorist team after terrorist team to blow the fuck out our cities and people. How many of our people have to die before we are justified?

   And, if being aggressive were the only thing needed to get us to overthrow a government - then why is Khaddfi still in power? Oh, that's right, after we kicked his ass, he learned to play well with others - maybe HE'S not a mad man after all!

Posted by: Jericho - 9/12/02 - 10:58 pm -

Waiting for the plane ...

   A year ago today, as you all know, some religious zealots threw away their lives stupidly and decided to take several thousand innocent people with them - all in the name of their god.

   A year ago today I watched this happen on TV, over and over again, in stunned horror with the rest of you. The difference was that I was in one of the tallest buildings in Seattle. By 11:30 our local time, our building had been evacuated, except for a few of us who stayed behind to make sure nothing computer or telecom related died in the process. The whole time, I kept looking out the huge window we have in our area - waiting for the insane terrorists who, luckily, never came.

   They cleaned that window today - first time in about nine months, budgets being tight and all. I now have a crystal clear view of all the planes heading to and from three different airports here in the area. I'm on the West side of the building, and that or the South would be the most perfect sides to hit this building considering the location of the airport. I have spent this whole last year jumping everytime an airplane flew over. Opening day for the baseball season had three Navy fighter jets scream by the building so close I could tell what rank and religion the pilots were - and I nearly soiled myself when it happened. I'd feel like a complete freak - except we had about ten people crowded around our window in about five seconds wondering what was going on?

   I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of pictures of smoking buildings and country songs with a message. I'm tired of hearing about airport security and breeches thereof. I'm tired of wondering if every mid-eastern looking person I see could be a terrorist - heck, the mid-eastern cabbies around here terrorize all of us as is! (Funny thing, most of them work for a company called "Far West"). I'm tired of it already. I've grieved, I've hated, I've shook my head at lessons learned the hard way. It's time to move on.

Posted by: Jericho - 9/11/02 - 12:01 pm -

Rent-A-Cop's Eye View

One of the many harsh requirments for entry into the facility I guard is one must wear a shirt. And if said shirt has buttons down the front, at least some of them must be huttoned. Inevitably, skinny and buff guys are only too happy to comply. But guys with guts that hang down to their knees act like I am depriving them of a sacred right, won at the cost of life and limb by their chubby forefathers.

Now, I am as anti-authority as they come. But there is something to be said for picking your battles. Rights to free speech, privacy, guns and drugs - good choices. The right to park in the fire lane - bad. I mean, the sign doesn't say "No Parking Unless You Are Just Waiting While Your Wife Runs In."

Another thing, try to think before you speak. For instance, the other day, some moron was parked in no less than two handicapped spaces, with no handicapped tag or license plate. I went to tell him to move and he comes up with the following, "What's the problem? No one was parked in these spaces when I got here." I thought about pointing out that the lack of flaming wreckage made that painfully obvious. But, as Jericho is fond of saying, "You can't fix stupid." So, I just put on my best Buford Pusser routine and told him to move it.

For my last observation today, there is one thing I would like to say as a person who comes into contact with a large chunk of humanity on a daily basis. Deoderant. If not for yourself, then for the rest of us.

Thank you.

Strike a pose!

   We are so sick and tired of looking at ourselves! There are pictures of us, esp. me all over this site. It's about time for some new faces.

   So, we have a new Feature called Pic of the Week.

   This is your chance to get your face or about anything else on our site and share it with the rest of the Internet. Check out the page for more detail.

   Let the photographic masterpieces begin!

Posted by: Jericho - 9/8/02 - 7:56 am -

Hydro-frustration

   I am an idea man, I always have been. I can come up with the most fascinating shit. I usually come up with it a year or two before I see a product on the market that does pretty much what I was thinking. I have had ideas that would change business and industry as we know it.

   But, being that I have no real education to speak of, no bankable knowledge, no easy to manipulate contacts in high places and that I'm flat broke - these ideas do little more than frustrate the hell out of me. If I could have launched even one or two of the ideas I have had - I think I would be a much richer man now.

   I had a real doozy yesterday. But, again, it is too big for me. I think it could make someone some real money and do the planet some good in the meantime. So, I must share it with you, the idea will be open source. My license is as follows: if you wish to use the following ideas you must first contact me then agree that after your company has made it's first million in profit, you will pay me a license fee of $100,000 in cash. I think this idea is simple and easy, the license is simple and you can be damned certain I will pursue this in the courts if I see anything that violates this license!

   So, what's the big deal? Cars. I think cars are the bane of the American way of life. They are expensive. They are dangerous. And, worst of all, they are dirty. Our transportation system is pollution on wheels. The internal combustion engine, while a technological marvel, should have been phased out twenty five years ago. But, we have held on to it as part of our culture. By holding onto this dangerous and dirty instrument, we have damaged the whole of the planet, maybe beyond repair.

   However, we are finally seeing the auto makers react. They know that if they don't do something, the people will force the law makers to do it and no one wants that. By 2004, several cars will be on the road powered by a hydrogen fuel cell. In short, the fuel cell takes hydrogen, combines it with oxygen in the air and makes electricity which can power a car. The end result isn't smoke and deadly poisons - it's steam! Simple, pure, water vapor. Fuel cells have been around for quite some time, the Space Shuttle has them - and there we're talking about 1960's technology. Only recently has the research been done to make them small enough to fit a personal vehicle. However, many still think that it will take ten years or more for the fuel cell to catch on - not because the technology lags behind, but because of the scarcity of hydrogen.

   Hydrogen is one of the most common elements - and one of the most volatile. When brought together with oxygen, the result is an explosion. NASA uses liquid hydrogen and liquid oxygen to propel the Space Shuttle and other vehicles into space - that trail behind the Shuttle as it races through the sky isn't smoke, it's steam. Hydrogen should be one of the easiest things to get your hands on - but it's a pretty rare thing. It's just not produced in mass quantities. Up to now, there has been little need. At one time, this was the same for gasoline, which was originally thought of as a by product of the kerosene manufacturing process, and was often simply burned off.

   Today, you can go to just about any street corner in a major city and purchase all the gasoline you can carry for $1.50 or more a gallon. You may not know, but one company's gasoline is not much different from another's. Most gas stations are fed with a pipe line system. The days of the fuel truck are gone. All gasoline producers pour their product in at one end of the system, and all vendors pull it out of the other end of the same system. The only difference from one service station to the next is service and price. But, that infrastructure does not exist for hydrogen. You may be able to buy diesel or propane at your local station, but not hydrogen.

   This is where fuel cell powered cars will begin to suffer. Without that pipeline infrastructure, it will be difficult to get hydrogen to vendors, which means the convenience of refueling at the corner station is gone. Let's face it, cars are all about convenience. So, fewer of these better cars will be sold, and the price of hydrogen will remain up as demand will not increase enough to encourage manufacturers to distill more hydrogen. A vicious cycle.

   I found a company that sells devices that will create hydrogen through electrolysis right on your site. All you need is a small location and hookup for water and electricity. Electrolysis is eighth grade science class stuff, something we've known about forever. As a process to get at hydrogen, it's very slow, but it doesn't involve all the complex "industrial processes" being used these days - many of them very expensive or polluting or both! With this device, hydrogen could be made at low cost at every gas station that invested in it. The problem with this concept is that while the hydrogen is a good thing, the potable water probably went through an energy intensive process to be filtered and made ready to drink. Further, and worse, the source of the energy for the water filtering process and for the electricity needed by this device most likely came from an electric plant that used fossil fuels. Thus, we are still polluting, just in a different way.

   It is said that our sun rains down enough energy on our planet in one hour to fulfill all of mankind's energy needs for one year! Too bad we couldn't turn that into energy for our cars! People have tried, but solar power is still heavy and expensive. Maybe someday we will all drive solar cars, but not soon - or, maybe we can!

   If you have read this far, you have earned what is next. My idea is simple - as I think all good ideas are. First start with a retired oil tanker. I think this would be a fitting end to these devices that have been such an integral link in poisoning our world. I found a site that sells just such ships, and at a few million a pop - they are a bargain. The oil tanker has several properties we are looking for. First, a large, flat deck on top. Second, a sea worthy vessel that can stand up to the worst storms. Third, the tanks themselves. The low cost of a used tanker makes this deal all the better.

   We take our phantom tanker and make some modifications. First, we make it a solar power house. I found a solar cell that is rated for "utility grade." Each panel produces 285 watts. Now, when it comes to electricity, I start getting lost in amps, watts, etc. But, I do know that this is a lot. A medium size oil tanker, like the Exxon Valdez, would have about 160,000 square feet of deck according the measurements I found and some simple math. Thus, about 5000 of these panels could fit on the deck. This, unless I am missing my guess, is a lot of electricity, we may not even need this many for our process. If we need more cheap and clean power, we could mount wind turbines and harvest the sea breezes. However, let's assume for the moment that the panels are good enough.

   You may be aware that most ships these days are electrical - the propellers or "screws" are turned using electricity. However, that electricity is created by a diesel generator. I propose to remove the generator and use the panels. Our ship doesn't need to go fast or very far, this will make for a clean machine indeed! Even on a cloudy day, a whole lot of solar power gets through - I may be wrong, but I think our panels will do the job. Or, again, we could mount wind turbines or even a hydrogen fuel cell!

   Now then, we will need a water pump and filter. The pump will pull water out of the body of water the ship is floating on. So, we will need just enough power to move the ship out of the shipping lanes and away from eco-systems that could be easily harmed. Once that is accomplished, the anchor could be dropped and power diverted to the pumps and the other processes. The pumps would feed the water into a boiler. The boiler simply boils the water to purify it. In other words, the steam would be captured while the salts and gunk would be left in the boiler. The gunk could be dumped right where it was pulled from with little ecological impact. Or, in the case of sea water, where every ton of water might have as much as 2 mg of gold, the gunk could be sold to someone if for no other reason to sell off as sea salts, fertilizer, what ever.

   The steam would pass from the boiler into another system where it would be cooled and condensed. From there the pure water would pass into an electrolysis device. The same people that produce the small electrolysis device above also produce industrial size devices that they claim are scalable. We would have the two necessary inputs of water and electricity, and the company further claims their systems are low maintenance due to few moving parts. Low maintenance equals cheap operation which equals cheap power!

   The end result would be pure and simple hydrogen that could be stored in the huge tanks on the ship. Those tanks might have to be reinforced or something, but I doubt that would make it vastly more expensive. The ship, once full of hydrogen, could return to shore. Depending on the speed of this process, this trip may even be made once a day.

   On shore a simple plant could be built to make the hydrogen available to consumers. A simple tank would have to be devised, something that would stay closed and safe until locked into the car's system, only then would it safely release it's contents. I'm sure an engineer and a CAD system could crank something like that out in a day - if something like that doesn't already exist, that is. The plant would store the harvested hydrogen and it would fill the smaller tanks. These tanks would only need to hold 5 gallons or so of hydrogen. From what I have read, hydrogen vehicles will get about two to three time the miles per gallon of a gasoline vehicle. So, a five gallon tank might get you 200 to 300 city miles before needing a refill. The filled tanks would delivered by (hydrogen burning) trucks to all service stations where they would pick up the empties to be refilled. A driver would simply come in to the station, open their hatch, pull out their tank, slide in a new one and leave. All very quick, clean and no gasoline smell on your hands! Plus, at $2.50 a gallon, which is the forecasted amount, hydrogen would save you somewhere between $.50 and $2.00 over current gasoline prices.

   To me, this seems like it could be done pretty easily. The wild thing would be that local companies could do this anywhere there is a decent sized body of water, which would just decrease the price because you wouldn't have to ship this fuel too far. As the infrastructure is built, hydrogen would be pumped through a similar system as gasoline is now. Permanent and land based versions of my ship idea could be built. For example, retired oil rigs could be converted and hooked up to pump hydrogen inland, just as oil rigs do with oil now. In places along the Mississippi, one could convert river water to hydrogen, etc. This would be clean power that frees us from OPEC BS and makes our national obsession with the car a little more environmentally friendly.

   Now, if I only had 5 or so million to start this!

Posted by: Jericho - 9/5/02 - 7:03 pm -

Full Time Loser

Well, a certain slacker is "no longer assigned" to the post where I do security. If there is any justice, he got canned. More likely they doubled his pay and have him doing some cushy warehouse gig. Either way, some shifts opened up, allowing me to bring my hours up to 40.

At last I am getting paid as much as I was on some of my entry level tech gigs.

I can't wait until I have my own business.

Land of the Cleves

A few months ago, Laura's cousin Brian announced that he was getting married. Coincidentally, he and his intended chose the day after my birthday to exchange vows. We were under no real obligation to go and had no real hankering to see Cleveland, the city where the wedding was taking place. But we saw it as an opportunity to take a weekender and see the fam, so we RSVPed, got plane tickets and a room at the hotel where the wedding was taking place.

We made all these plans when Laura and I were working at Convergys, where unpaid time off was easy to come by. Since then, I had to switch to my current security job, where time off, unpaid or otherwise, is discouraged. I asked for that weekend off, hoping that they might take the fact that a fortune in airfare and accommodations would go to waste if I had to bow out. While they promised, "We'll see what we can do," their tone was none too promising. As the date approached, and time off was not forthcoming, we came to accept that I was not going to be able to go. Well, at least I did.

Neither of us were happy about this. Laura hates to travel without me, and as she was to be traveling on my birthday, I was going to get to spend my birthday alone. I was coming to terms with it, making plans to rent some movies, get some junk food and make the most of the day. Laura seemed to be coming to terms with it. I came home from work that morning, planning to kiss Laura goodbye and hop right into bed so I would have some time to enjoy myself that evening before going back to work.

Then it came time for Laura to head out the door. Every now and then (about once a month) my beloved gets just the slightest bit less than fully rational. It seemed that time hit just then as she broke down in tears, certain that the plane would go down in flames if I didn't go with her. One thing that always gets to me is seeing Laura in tears. Although I generally disapprove of calling in sick when one is not sick, and we really needed the money I would lose by not working Friday and Saturday night, before I knew what was happening, I was throwing a weekend's worth of clothes and toiletries in a bag and heading out the door on my way to Ohio.

(Pointless digression: the Japanese term for "Good morning" rhymes with "Ohio".)

At first, adrenaline was doing a pretty good job of keeping me awake. I had to admit, I was pretty pumped. I love traveling. I have a hardcore wanderlust that goes unheeded way too much. However, I had been up since 5 PM Thursday and had managed to eat very little in that time. Hunger and sleep deprivation first hit at the gate, waiting for the plane. A flavorless airport bagel and some caffeine took the edge off for a while and I was able to enjoy the flight. Well, at least as much as one can enjoy being crammed into a seat half the width of one's ass.

My general impression of Cleveland prior to this trip was that it was pretty much a blue collar, Midwestern city, not much different than St. Louis. Hence its low place on my list of priority travel destinations. Time was short and mostly taken up with wedding related activities, so I saw little of the city more than walking distance from the hotel and the hall where the rehearsal dinner took place. But the bits I saw where pretty cool. The hotel was in a section the city called University Circle, a conglomeration of a large park, various museums, Case Western Reserve and one gorgeous hotel.

My first priority upon getting to the hotel was a shower as the expiration date on the previous day's ablutions was rapidly approaching. After that, we had just enough time to catch the tail end of the rehearsal and the hitch a ride with Laura's parents the hall for dinner.

By this time, I was starving and well past 24 hours without sleep. The only thing that kept me going was the promise of food. Even in my tired state, I was blown away by the scenery around the hall. It was on the shore of Lake Erie. Laura and I both love the Great Lakes and often give consideration to moving to the region.

Dinner was welcome and pretty good, except for the smoked chicken. The sunset over the lake was amazing. The ride back to the hotel was quick. The bed was very comfortable. The Max was soon asleep. By that point I had been up for about 28 hours.

Just before I drifted off, it occurred to me that because we had traveled from the central time zone to eastern, my birthday was only going to be 23 hours. Bugger.

I slept long and well and the next morning I woke up at about 5 am. Laura was not quite as ready as I was to face the day, so I decided to take a walk. It really was quite a picturesque area, the temp was in the lower 60's and hardly anyone else was out and about. I would have to say that was one of the highlights of the trip. I got back to the hotel around 6:30 and had time to read the complimentary paper, and then the book I brought along, sitting next to the open window, a cool breeze blowing on me, while I waited for Laura to get up.

Once she did get moving, we had a few hours before the wedding. After our complimentary continental breakfast, we decided to walk around and check out some of the sights around the hotel. After a meandering hike, we found the botanical garden. While acres smaller than the garden in St. Louis, admission was free, and they did some nice work with the space they had. I particularly liked the Japanese garden.

Once out wandering again, we came upon the Natural History Museum. We stayed just long enough to find out the admission was $6 per person. We opted instead to cross the way to the Art Museum, which was free. The art museum had a film exhibit that pretty much blew me away. It wasn't just film as art so much as film as being one part of a larger work. An interesting piece was a TV stuck in a hole in the wall. On the TV was playing a film of the artist making the hole in the wall that the TV was in. The rest of the museum was great too, especially the Asian exhibit.

The whole time, I marveled at the weather. After a lifetime of August temperatures in the upper 90's, and humidity you could swim in, Cleveland, which stayed in the 70's and was only just a little humid, was a pleasant change.

After the art museum we still had a couple of hours, but by that point, hours of walking, having my sleep schedule messed with and the antihistamine I had taken (sadly Cleveland is about as moldy as St. Louis) were catching up with me, so it was back to the hotel for a nap.

We woke up just in time to throw on our dress duds and head downstairs for the wedding. The ceremony was nice. I must confess that I was never too pleased with the formal Catholic ceremony Laura and I had. I wish ours could have been a little DIY like Brian's. In place of Biblical readings, they read poems and other bit of literature. Instead of turgid hymns, a friend sang the couple a soulful love song.

The reception was not as creative as the wedding, so Laura and I ducked out early and chilled out in our hotel room. At that point, our trip was over. We had switched to an early morning flight so I could get back in time to take a nap and get to work, rather than missing a third day. So the next morning we got up, packed and flew home.

On the whole, it wasn't the birthday, or the trip, I would have planned for myself. But everything was pretty much one pleasant surprise after another.

Bonsai Update

   I got a note from a nice reader named Shari, telling me that she liked our Indoor Bonsai Notebook feature. So, for my Bonsai Friends, I wanted to let you know that I have just posted an update to the Bonsai Notebook. I really do love that feature - it's a great hobby and it's a fun thing to write about! Lots of pictures, plus one of me - so check it out!

Posted by: Jericho - 9/2/02 - 6:12 pm -

It's nice just to sleep!

   Here's an interesting subject - I'm sure you'll be riveted!

   We came home from work Friday night and I crashed. I slept until 11:30! I got up and went back to bed at 4am. What was so great about that is that I remember waking up a little here and there, the temp was perfect and I was comfortable, so I recuddled and fell back asleep. It felt so good to have that luxury! To just drift off in a comfortable bed in a not hot room. Ahh!

   So, I followed it up yesterday with at least a nap and a lot of time laying on my wife - she is a great pillow! I'll probably get punched for saying that, but it's true. I finally have her trained!

   I went to bed at a fairly normal time last night and Steph gently woke me this morning as she went out to do some errands. In all, good sleep has been had! I'm just glad the weather is heading back to Seattle norms.

   I'm going to go scout around for some breakfast - I just wanted to say mornin' to everyone!

Posted by: Jericho - 9/1/02 - 9:38 am -

Born On This Day

I share my birthday with Mary Shelly, Robert Crumb and Fred MacMurry. That would be an interesting party.

Seattle sinks into Hell!

   Do any of you check out the news here in the Northwest? I mean, besides the locals? We're going to Hell in a handbasket!

   Everyone is on strike. The Boeing machinists, local teachers and of course the boredomball millionaires who happen to keep about 2000 locals working. What is up with those guys, anyway? Just as the sport is regaining some popularity, recovering from THE LAST STRIKE, they do it again! In all, this is leaving the town without major industry, education or sports - all we need now is a police strike or a garbage strike and we would be completely fucked!

   Then there are the busses! Planes are not the only things that can be hijacked, check out this story that happened here yesterday. My only question: who let this kid out of his cage?

   Not to be out done; Steph and I got in on the "Public Transport Fear" act. We were on our regular Wednesday bus, when two shabbily dressed caucasian men got on the bus. One of them began talking, within five minutes we had learned the following:

   *  He had spent 23 years in prison.
   *  He had a manic-depressive episode that lead to his current unemployment.
   *  He was going to get $350 dollars in aid immediately.
   *  However, due to his bi-polar and his prison time, he would be moved up to $600 a month and be declared mentally incapacitated.
   *  When he left his $29.72/hr contruction gig, he simply told his boss he was quitting and left behind $500 in tools.
   *  The next thing he knew, he was sleeping in a bush.

   After all of this, he declared he needed a beer and produced one presently. Ironically, it was a Busch! After this, I'm sure that you will not be surprised that Steph and I are going shopping for pepper spray this weekend. Capsicum is the weapon of choice only because Steph won't let me carry an assault rifle! Next, I'm putting my resume' out on Monster - having a job in another city on the hook might come in handy!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/29/02 - 10:18 pm -

Fun with Money

   I hate money - no, I really do. We are all so driven by it and often ruined by it. Money may not be the root of all evil, but I would bet it's in the fertilizer.

   Round about ten years ago I went to an institution. They claimed it was for higher learning, but those that made that claim never lived in the dorms, else they would know better! While there I racked up at least two debts; one to those that hold my student loans and the other to the University itself.

   The second was the smaller of the two. I was careful about that debt, it was for fees and for what they called "Mizzou Charge" - which was a slick way to get stupid kids to spend more money. But, as careful as I was, I guess I wasn't careful enough. When I was done with college - I had racked up about $3000 of debt.

   This was not a big tragedy. When I left college, I had exactly two bills - you guessed it, one to my student loans and one to the University. So, I fully planned to pay that one off quick. Of course, I didn't plan to be out of work in STL for forever, etc.

   I returned to Mizzou to work for a summer. When I went to get my first pay check, which I desperatly needed for rent, I found they were holding it hostage! They wanted the whole thing for that stupid bill. I talked them out of it and worked out a payment plan.

   When I returned to STL and I waited to start getting billed again but never saw one. I called and again worked out a payment plan. I saw bills for a few months, but they dried up and I stopped trying.

   About a year ago, Stph called Mizzou and asked them about this bill. They told us that they had written it off as a bad debt and would hold my transcripts until it was paid. This was good and bad news. I couldn't get my transcripts, but we were assured they wouldn't report this now $2100 debt to the credit agencies. About six months ago I called Mizzou myself, hoping to work out a payment plan to free my transcripts since my place of employment offers tuition reimbursment and I want to finish my degree someday. I was told that there was no way to do this - either I paid the full amount or I didn't. Great! Where was I going to raise two grand? Since then I have been trying to come up with a way to do just that.

   Last night we got a call from a collections agency telling us that we had forty eight hours to pay a debt they just purchased from Mizzou or they would report us to the credit agencies. Folks, in case you don't know, being sent to collections will wreck a credit rating faster than than you can say "Payroll Garnishment". So, here we have a nearly ten year old debt being sent to collections and showing up as a new debt to the credit agencies - I wouldn't be able to get a loan for ten more years if that happened! Of course, there was no bloody way we could pay this off in forty eight hours. My rating was screwed!

   Steph, my hero as much as she is my wife, called and got them talking on the other end. Turns out they just want their money. They are willing to work out a payment plan, and they won't charge interest. As long as we are making payments, they won't report us. So, what I wanted all along has come true, but I'm sure if Mizzou had worked with me a year ago, this could have been mostly paid by now - idiots!

   I don't know about getting my transcripts - I have to call Mizzou and find out the details there, but why couldn't they have just worked with me six months or a year ago? I think someone in their accounting management needs to go back to school!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/28/02 - 7:43 pm -

Focus

   I have decided to again start pushing on my freelance career. I have to get out of the 9 to 5 gig - and the only way to do that is to have something that will pay the bills. I must make a reputation for myself as a hard working, reliable freelancer. No, this wasn't something that just struck me today - I've been doing more the last week or so to motivate myself.

   And, that, my friends, is the rub. Motivation is a tough master. Trying to stay excited, trying to keep that feeling rolling, trying to hold on to the cool aspects of beginning a project long enough that you can finish a project. I'm great at starting projects - I have a whole file of half done projects - it's finishing them that is killing me. Max, how many starts of short stories have I sent you? Ever see the end product? Right!

   When I was working on my on-line comic strip a couple years ago - it felt great! I would come home from work, check my email and kibitz, have dinner, then instead of watching the crap on tv - I'd go work on the strip. Often I was finishing the strip for the next day that night. But, when I was done I had a real sense of accomplishment! I had done the work and it came out and it was looking better all the time. I miss that. This site gives me those feelings from time to time - but not like my strip did. I think I was challenged more by it. Success is it's own reward!

   It occurs to me that what I had going there was pretty good. I was doing one art project a night. It was short and challenging, but when I was done, I felt SO good! Elated!! So, why not find a way to do a short project every night? Same deal as the strip, and if it helps me launch my freelance career - all the better.

   But, there is a second key. There is motivation, then there is focus. See, I have never been able to decide; am I a writer or am I a graphic artist? I have no training in either, suck at both, but am deeply in love with all that! It would be nice if I could go, yes, this is the thing I like and pursue it like a mad man. But, I can't - I have focus like a broken camera looking at a smashed mirror. I want to do it all and be everything. This has lead to thirty years of frustration. Did I mention I have always wanted to play drums? Oy!

   So, here I am, looking into greeting card illustration/writing/design. I don't know what I will have to offer the industry. I have a twisted sense of humor, a graphicly inclined eye and I can almost communicate via writing in my native language. It's a complex industry. Did you know that 85 to 90 percent of greeting cards are purchased by women? The average American recieved eight birthday cards a year. (There are 350 million of us - you do the math!) Will my odd sensibilites appeal not only to the producers but to the buyers? I guess we'll see. Wish me luck ...

Posted by: Jericho - 8/26/02 - 10:34 pm -

Middle Man

   They say that you have to hit rock bottom before you can come back up. But, what if you never hit bottom? What if you hover in stagnation forever? I guess that means you never come up.

   That's about the way I'm feeling these days. I'm right in the middle. We're broke right now, but we're paying our bills. I make a good living and so does Steph, but it all goes right back out with very little room for error. Make an error, get creditor calls for a few months while you play catch up.

   Nothing is terrible in my life, but very little is great, either. I want to complain, but there is not much to complain about. I have my health, I'm overweight and my sinuses bother me, but nothing beyond. I have the stupid thing on my head, but I'm treating that. Overall, average.

   The job is okay. It's losing its luster - but I've been there for just about two years which is usually when I start hating my job. But, I don't hate this one yet. I really like my boss, my coworkers are getting on my nerves, but it's not terrible yet. I figured out the other day the job is pretty much dead end. There is no upward mobility. I'm not the junior tech, there is no senior tech - I am the voicemail guy. The only way up is to take my boss' job and that's a no thank you! He handles shit that would force me to slap people around. I've had all the training availible for our voicemail system. They provide tuition reimbursement - but we can't get the funds together to give to a college to begin with - not to mention pay off the debt I have to Mizzou to free up my transcripts. So, why am I staying at this job? Because there aren't any better options and it's steady work.

   I remember a time when my life wasn't this stable and it was a hell of a lot more fun. If this is what stability is about, well, fuck that! I'm trading everything for a Harley that I have no idea how to ride and I'm outta here - my creditors can hunt me down! Wanna go for a ride?

Posted by: Jericho - 8/25/02 - 4:32 pm -

Bald Envy

   When I was a younger man I dreamed that I would bald with dignity. I knew I would bald a whole bunch and I expected to do it in my early twenties. I told myself that, it's just hair, it will go quickly, as did my father's, and that I wouldn't miss it.

   Whatever! Dream on, baldy!

   My hair is leaving my head like executives at AOL/TW! Steph figured out how to open the odd cap on our bath tub drains the other day. From mine she recovered what she described as a "drowned poodle". My drain works MUCH better now! Everytime I look in the mirror, I see less and less coverage on top. I'm considering buying satellite fly overs from the French to keep track of the progression of the depillation.

   Recently I find myself looking at other balding men. I see the smooth, shiny skin, lightly tanned. The neat ring of hair from ear to ear. I see how noble and distingished they look. Then I see the reflection of the balding dork in the elevator door and I realize that I have a long road ahead.

   I may be the only man in history to admit this, but, I just want it to go! Fall out already! I figure if I continue my poor diet and increase the stress at my workplace, I should be shiny bald and unemployed by Christmas!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/24/02 - 11:53 pm -

War Time!

   Let's see, we have a Republican in the Whitehouse, the son of a President who was once a Navy man and the Director of the CIA. Our economy is in a spin, no one knows which way is up. People are out of work, factory production is down. The aerospace and automobile manufacturing companies are in major trouble. Major corporations are getting into financial woes because we are finally checking their "facts". Most television programs are either looking back (That Insert Decade Show, The Rerun Show, etc.) or focused on reality, which is as good a replacement for news as anything else because the news is boring. Kids fashion is so strapped for ideas that bell bottoms have finally come back after a decade of muffled threats.

   Yup, it's time for a war!

   None of this pansy terrorist hunting crap, either. We're talking bombs, explosions, big grey ships, blood, guts and exploding bodies - all on the 6 o'clock news. Ya know - the good stuff! Lots of guys in uniform shooting lots of other guys in uniform. (No frickin' pajamas this time!) Flaming masses of metal falling from the sky! Death, dismemberment and destruction!

   Let's face it - we haven't had a real war since we nuked the Nips. Mayhem is good for the economy! It's just too bad that war isn't any fun anymore. Too many guerillas and terrorists sneaking around. Not enough tank columns and trenches!

   I say we put a little fun back into war. Break out the spears and axes. Strip everyone down to loin cloths, paint everyone up in the colors of their country and let them get it on! Cleaving, stabbing, kicking some ass - all on camera.

   Or, we could take the reality tv model - get a godforsaken bit of land or an island - say Wyoming or Australia. Shove a whole load of soldiers in there with even more weapons. Then - cry havoc and loose the ratings bonanza! Last soldier standing wins!

   Or, ohh, thumb wrestling!!!

Posted by: Jericho - 8/22/02 - 10:10 pm -

Dree ee ee eeam, Dream, Dream, Dreeeeeam

One of the great ironies of my life is that for the most part I hate sleeping, but love dreaming. My dreams have almost always been weird, warped and freakish. The dream I had yesterday is in line for the top prize for sheer insanity.

I don't remember every detail. What I remember was being back in school. The school was physically located where my high school was, it seemed like it was similtaneously grade school, high school and college. In the builing was a huge theater, where a play was being put on. At some point, I was talking to a large, bald usher. The next thing I remember was being backstage in a dressing room, where I found some money, about $50 as I recall. The usher and his daughter broke in, accusing me of stealing the money. That was when the decided to kidnap me.

The next thing I know, I was being carried through the halls the school. By this point it had settled on being a grade school and the me that was being carried was around 8ish. But at the same time, I was also there as an adult. The halls of the school were filled with teachers (one of whom was a marine, in uniform) who where just milling around, socializing as if it where some cocktail party. I (the adult me) was trying to whisper to some of the teachers that I (the young me) was being kidnapped. But I didn't want to tip off my kidnappers that I was trying to let the teachers know, lest they hurt me.

It was the marine who took action first. As the young me was being put into the bed of a pickup truck with other kids who the usher was kidnapping, the marine came up to the adult me, who was at the doors to the school, looking out at the truck in a panic. The marine could see all the kids except for the young me. I was desperate for him to see the young me. Finally, a young girl, whom I realized was a younger version of a girl I knew from college, put her head on the younger me's shoulder. I pointed to that as proof that I was there, that the girl had sensed my presence. I was still panicked, afraid of what was going to happen when I realized that I was dreaming.

I love lucid dreams - that is when you are asleep and dreaming and realize that you are dreaming. I love to try to take control and just do what I want. At that point, I just wanted the silly kidnapping thing to go away and made it do so. I then decided to go grocery shopping (must have been hungry).

While I gain a great deal of control over my dreams when I am lucid dreaming, I don't complete control. My unconscious still likes to through curveballs at me. In this case, it was an obnoxious freak who started harrassing me in the store parking lot. I couldn't muster the power to make him go away, so I decided to fall back on another power I have in lucid dream, the power to wake myself up. This time, it didn't quite work.

I woke up in my bed, but it wasn't quite my bedroom. It was actually a hybrid of my current bedroom and the bedroom I used to have at my parents' old house. Outside of the room, it was definitely my parents' old place. At this point, I accepted that I was awake and the lucidity of the dream faded.

Now, I know some more happened, but all I can remember is getting annoyed again, becoming lucid again and trying and failing again to wake up. Again, I woke up in my bed, in the hybrid bedroom, in my parents' house. This time, it was either Christmas or my birthday (I couldn't settle on which), but I knew it had to be one or the other because there where presents attached to the inside of my bedroom door.

Now, it has never been a tradition in my family to attach presents to a person's door, so I am not quite sure where that came from. Either way, it was about then that I finally woke up for real.

Or maybe I haven't woken up yet...

Thinking Positive

Or at least a little less negative.

This year has sucked ass. I started the year in a cushy IT job, making a decent lower middle class salary. I had spent the past couple years working my way up to that position, and I was getting ready to start the next stage, looking at ways to upgrade my skills and move even further up the ladder.

Then I got laid off. I spent a month unemployed before I finally found a crappy sales job, making less than half what I was making before. But, they had tuition reimbursment. That, plus loans and some help from the in-laws was going to send me to tech school. I was going to get the programming skills I had been wanting to get for years, hopefully leading to a return to the tech feild. Then that job went away.

Now I am working part time, doing security. Not network security. Just plain ond stand around ina stupid uniform trying not to look bored rentacop security. Suddenly, hopes for the future were cast aside as the need to find a way to survive the present took precidence. We needed to find a way to somehow get food in our rapidly emptying kitchen, and find someway to keep from losing our house. And on top of that, Laura managed to break her foot.

Things have stabilized a little. Laura has a job, but she can't start until her foot is better. We solved the food problem by letting a friend move in and pay rent in groceries. And we have worked out a deal with Wells Fargo to keep our house. At least for now.

Still with me? Maybe yawning, eyes glazing over? Nothing quite as boring as reading about my pathetic life, is there? That is mainly why my posts have been pretty spare lately. The above is about all that has been on my mind.

It has been difficult to find reasons to think positive. But, I am getting tired of thinking negative. I am where I am and I need to find a way out. Tech school will not be happening any time soon. But a library card (and maybe some Amazon gift certificates from family and friends for my B-Day next week hint hint) and some personal study will allow me to learn at least some of what I would have learned there. My current job sucks, but it is better than being unemployed. And hopefully I will have a better job soon. In the short term, I think I may be joining my mother in the tax prep biz. That will hopefully increase my income and put me back behind a desk, where my fat ass belongs.

Long term...well, I'm not ready to think about that yet. We'll just file that under "We'll see."

As for posting here, I will try to post at least once a week. I owe it to Jer to start pulling my weight around here.

What use Sinuses?

   Living in the Pacific Northwest has been a great boon to me on many levels. One of those has been eye level - or more precisely having to do with my allergies and sinuses.

   When I lived in STL, I pretty much spent from early Spring into Fall with my face in a hanky. Add to that the heat and humidity and it's little wonder that I was the miserable, bitchy bastard that I was. Saying the words "mow the lawn" or "Hay Ride" anywhere within arm's reach would have gotten you clobbered! I never could afford the tests to find out exactly what I was allergic to, but, let's face it, when the rag weed is up, everyone has a bad day - and the rag weed is ALWAYS up!

   When I left STL, I was taking Claritin D, which I was told at the time was pretty much the strongest thing prescribed without the alergy tests. As far as I was concerned, each of those little white pills were made of gold! Being able to breathe is a Good Thing!

   For about two weeks after I got to Seattle, my sinuses and allergies went ballistic! I was taking Claritin right and left, about a month in my allergies had subsided, but I wasn't taking any chances. I asked my Mom to get a refill from my old Doctor and send them out to me. I ran out before the refills arrived. I tried some normal, over the counter stuff - praying to the sinus gods that I would live to see another week. To my shock, the over the counter stuff worked pretty damn well! I threw out the refill about a year later - never having taken another one.

   Now, not only am I saving dough by not buying Claritin D's at about $.75 a pill, but I can take just about any cheapo meds for my minor allergies. What I still have are MAJOR sinus headaches. Usually, when the weather does a major flip-flop, I get a screamer. My sinuses blow up like balloons and all I want to do is crawl under my pillow and forget the world exists.

   It's a funny old world - for years I never really had headaches. When I was really sick (not "my tummy hurts" sick but like "barfing out of my eyes" sick) or when the ragweed pollen was like snow on the ground, I would get a headache, and only a light one. I used to wonder what all the fuss was about. The longer I have lived here in Seattle, the worse my sinus headaches have gotten. Now I know what the fuss was about - headaches suck! On top of that, a couple years ago, I started getting some bad headaches. The doctors, after weeks of what I called "dumb drugs" for the effect they had on me and a scary CAT scan, decided they were stress induced. They changed my drugs and I changed jobs and the head aches went away! We didn't use the word migraine at the time, because I was missing a few migraine symptoms.

   However, these days, I've been getting some banging sinus headaches, and when they show up, those missing migraine symptoms seem to come with them. Namely, the shooting pains from the neck. I am fortunate that I have a job where I can work from home - this keeps me out from the bright lights, ambient noise and constant annoyance of being at work. But, it pisses off my coworkers and leaves me feeling like I'm cheating, like I'm skipping school or something.

   So, today, I have made the mistake of ignoring the slight headache I woke up with this morning that was already pretty powerful by the time that I got to work and that is about to make me go cross-eyed now. I am at work instead of working from home. My goal, no matter how suicidal, is to prove that even though I am a whimp that I'm a tough whimp - whatever that means. Of course, today would be the most boring day I have had at work for weeks - I litterally have nothing to do - writing this is the only thing keeping me from picking up my bag and walking out the door. So why am I torturing myself thusly? To prove that I can make it through a day of work even under the worst conditions.

   The dumbest part about all of this is that sinuses are useless things. Have a look at this site. And I quote "These are air-filled, mucosal-lined cavities which develop in facial and cranial bones. The spaces communicate with the nasal airway. Their function is unknown but has been subject to a great deal of speculation. They could serve to decrease the weight of the skull or to function as resonators for the voice. In lower animals with a more acute sense of smell, the sinuses are largely lined by olfactory epithelium. Sinuses may have originally developed to increase the available surface area for the sense of smell. Therefore, in humans, with olfaction limited to a much smaller area, sinuses may be vestigial anachronisms." The next time I get a chance to talk to God, I want to talk to him about the crappy code he used for our DNA! Learn to Cut and Paste, Dude!

   My biggest fear is that I will eventually develop full blown migraines. People that have those basicly lose their lives. I mean, it's not cancer or something, but you end up missing out on your life beacause all you want to do is crawl into a hole and die. You'd kill yourself if guns weren't as noisy as they are or if you could get up the gumption to open a bottle of pills. Chronic Migraines are walking death when you have one. Just what I need.

Posted by: Jericho - 8/19/02 - 3:07 pm -

© 2002 by the Gentlemen known as Max and Jericho